I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
