Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
