In the future we'll all be gay
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
