We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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