I'd wear matching sweaters with you
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
