I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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