I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
