ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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