if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
