no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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