There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
