Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
