im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
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