Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
