u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
