made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
