walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
50% drunk capacity currently
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
