M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
nutella sex= disaster
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
