I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
