Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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