please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
