if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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