I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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