Umm I'm too high to move.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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