I hate your face
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
