Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
