I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
