Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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