Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
