My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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