Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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