The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
