I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
