A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you never un-have a 4some
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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