Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My ass is underappreciated
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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