...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
