there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
