I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They took my balls.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
