Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
