Too much gin, very little bucket
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Im part way to drunk.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
