Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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