he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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