well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
FUCK WHALES
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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