Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
