so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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