She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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