got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am available for nakedness
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
