I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
