I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
