I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
