If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
