its not stalking. its research.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
