it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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