Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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