Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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