he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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