are you still at the devil's house?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
