This girl is more easily done than said...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
