So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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