dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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