"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
