im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
