I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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