I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
