help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
