Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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