i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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