The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
