Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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